🛡️ TESSALIN: A Joke Has Been Arrested in Dominium. Fresh. Unregistered.
Yesterday morning, on one of the administrative levels of Tessalin, an unidentified citizen told a joke containing the phrase:
“And then the inspector said: ‘This is against regulations, but I find it funny.’”
Four service drones detected laughter, after which the incident was classified as “an uncontrolled emotional protocol breach in a zone of enforced seriousness.”
The suspect was taken in for a hearing.
The joke has been temporarily confiscated and placed in the Quarantine Vault of Irony.
🔥 MIRASSA: Aronians Invent Dance to Reduce Diplomatic Tension — First Alliance Didn’t Survive
The new collective “Body of Peace” from the city of Lura unveiled a dance intended to reduce political aggression through shared rhythmic empathy.
The dance included:
- phases of synchronized swaying
- deep hugs with random delegates
- a moment of “emotional fall” (literally collapsing backward in trust)
“It was meant to be unifying. But… someone’s mandate tore in half,” said one participant.
The “Equilibrium 3” alliance dissolved after an unintended interpretation of the movement “heart-chakra touch hug.”
🧠 ORTAZ: Emotional Moratorium on Fridays Announced
In response to the oversaturation of end-of-week intensity, Ortaz has enacted a temporary emotional moratorium on Fridays.
What it means:
- Feeling more than 2.4 emotions simultaneously is prohibited
- Memories of Friday evenings are blocked until Saturday at 09:00
- Avatars displaying joy after 18:00 will be temporarily dephased
“We consider this an act of care. Humanity cannot handle finales,” the official statement reads.
Dominium responded with silence.
Aronia threw a party.
🌀 In the Next Issue:
— Dominium develops a standard for the “appropriate outraged glare”
— Aronians discover trauma healing through singing… in wetsuits
— Ortaz will attempt to feel shame. For the first time. Live.